So the first incident this week was while I was at work and the kids in the music department were putting on a concert for the parents, however, when most of the students and staff had left for the night the clowns came out and started causing havoc in the corridors of the college, chair racing, throwing bins down the halls and generally being a pain in the arse, I confronted them and explained politely that they need to return to the classroom they were meant to be waiting in and be quiet, only for one of them to call me a not particularly nice name, so after a serious roasting from me they went back to the classroom and all was well.
The second incident was a little more menacing and for my class of adults, some who are of a nervous disposition very disturbing and scary, during the evening class there was a loud bang on the window followed by 3 idiots with clown makeup on peering through the window.
Because the learners with me were really frightened by them I went outside to explain that this was not the place for them to mess about, however, when I got outside there was about 15 of them some on bikes others just running around banging on windows and generally causing havoc, unfortunately for one of these idiots he ran up to me and started acting like a complete idiot dancing around me then followed by one of his clown friends, at this point I had had enough so I introduced him to my now famous Bitch Slap, let me explain.
I have practiced martial arts for over 40 years everything form Judo to Boxing to kung Fu and others, over the years I have gained 3 Dans, or Black belts in different styles, the last one being a continuing developing system, I use the Bitch Slap where I don't won't really hurt people but more shock them and make them understand that it's just a slap and to imagine what would happen if I really took a swing at them, over the years I have developed it into a really powerful part of my arsenal often resulting in the receiver laying on the ground dazed, confused and in a little pain, it, I found is a good deterrent and stop escalation of violence.
So, back to the story, I introduced the idiot clown to the Bitch Slap, who immediately fell to the floor screaming, his accomplice was unsure what to do, as he make a couple of movements forward towards his idiot mate but kept backing off eventually leaving his friend by running off, his friend however was still obviously in some pain, I bent over him and told him to go back to his friends and tell them that the same fate awaited them if I saw any of them around my classroom, So i left him lying there crying like a 3 year old and went back to my class, when I got there one of the female teachers and her class were in my classroom seeking refuge from the clowns as they had terrorised her too, she had phoned the police and was waiting for them to arrive.
Open arrival the police produced a sorrow looking clown with a blood splattered face, his nose and mouth bleeding, apparently someone had punched him in the face, nobody in the room said anything, the clown however pointed at me and said 'I think it was that guy', to which the officer replied, 'surely not', he looked at me and I said, 'really, come on, I am a medical wreck and couldn't do anything like that'. The policeman smiled and dragged the clown out of the room, he returned a couple of minutes later to say they had rounded up about 10 kids with clown faces and they would be taken to the police station for questioning and phone calls to parents etc, he also asked me to give a statement later when my class had finished, this I was happy to do.
The whole evening and been ruined, not for me but my learners who felt intimidated and scared by this incident, I have now to fill own loads of forms regarding safe guarding of my leaners, a pain in the arse, however, I was told by the police that the bloody clown had decided with his parents that the slap he received, although a little strong, had made a point and they were happy to leave it at that.
SO I am now thinking of going clown hunting over the weekend with a couple of my friends in the black van, should be fun, so after dealing with the Van Rental TWAT, I will don my black military kit, balaclava and hunt a few clowns, I can't wait.