It's over a week since I blogged, I have been so busy it's beginning to effect me in that my brain wont stop working at night so spend almost all of it doing something, Marking, writing new courses, fixing watches, etc, so Friday has always been my day off, because of my illness, I need some time to relax, chill and breath.
So last this week I have been doing so much stuff I can't even remember half of it, however, for some reason you always remember the worst bits? So in my rucksack of many items I always carry a small knife, the blade is 2 1/2 inches long, I use it for sharpening pencils, I cant hold those tiny sharpeners you get made of plastic, so the knife works for me, So I was in the office with the rest of the staff at lunch time when one of them joked about using a pencil for a test of skill where you place someones spread out hand and jump the pencil between the finger gathering speed, indeed a skill, so being with good work colleagues and I would now count them as friends (we are not going around each others house for dinner) if you know what i mean, any way I said 'Don't use the pencil you can use my pencil sharpener', he looked at me with a quizzical eye, so I rummaged in my bag and pulled out the knife, my unit laughed, but 3 others who share an office with us just looked and pulled faces , now, they are ugly enough, so pulling a miserable face don't help.
Anyway, a couple of minutes later after I made a comment about I would like to sharpen a few of the students, the now ENEMYS in the camps, got up and left. 3 minutes later my manager entered the office and ask for a private word? She then informs me that the Drama queens and Dance idiots had been and told her that I carry a knife to threaten students with?????? What the fuck are those twats talking about? so she recommends that I leave it in the car, 'OK' I reply no problem, as she is walking away security appear asking to talk to me, 'We believe you are carrying a knife", 'Yes' I say, I am sorry but we need to take it away or you have to leave the premises' 'OK' I reply, 'I will get my coat and leave' at this point I go back into the office and tell the other guys whats happening and they can't believe it, so I say good bye and as I get to the door my manager bursts in 'Where are you going'? 'Home' I reply 'security are waiting outside to escort me off the premises", 'You cant go you have the Russians coming in at 2pm' Yes I know, but I am keeping my pencil sharpener' I reply and walk towards the door, now at this point I notice that the rest of the unit look really shocked and ask me to stay (None of them want to teach the Russians), the Enemy now enter the room, and all hell breaks loose, my unit start calling them Snitches and Bitches, I can see that my boss is now getting really stressed and worried as I scour at the S&B's as they are now known, 'Den please help me out here you need to meet the Russians', security now enter the room because of the shouting, 1 makes the mistake if grabbing my left arm, now, my left arm as you may have read in a previous post causes me constant pain do to my neurological problem, without think I just react, I grab his hand twist it and force him to the floor, the other security guy tries to step in, I give him the look, (now the look is something I do naturally apparently when really angry, I am told that my friends and family know 'The Look' and back off if we are in a heated debate shall we say, it is quite scary they tell me I look like a killer about to murder them), anyway back to the fracas, the security guy backs off and radios for help, all this time I have this poor guy on the floor with his arm twisted and my foot on his head.
Long story short, I eventually let the guy up apologies and me , my boss and security leave for the Big Bosses office, I now have 7 security guards escorting me? I now as we walk think of Matrix movie, should I do a Neo on them, should I make a run for it, or should I just drop to the floor and have a sit in, I start to laugh without thinking, one of the guards says 'You won't be laughing in a minute mate' I stop turn around to face him and he does a Spike Milligan, He start's walking backwards, (Spike wrote and sung a song called I'm walking backwards for Christmas) 'Fuck off Adolf" I say, at this point I am really now getting seriously pissed off, I have not even had my lunch yet.
So we eventually get to the big bosses office where I here the about the knife, putting a security guard on his arse etc, etc, the boss asks everyone to leave except me? They leave, I am along with this woman who is known to be an arsehole of the highest order, she asks me about the knife, I explain that its a pencil sharpener, and I was joking with another member of staff when one of the snitch bitches goes and tells my boss etc, etc. She asks to see the knife, which at this point I have in my pocket, I take it out, hand it to her and say'Please do not take it out of the holder as it is extremely sharp', she smiles,'I'm not one of your students you know', she removes it from the holder runs her finger thumb the edge , drops it when blood pours from a nice clean cut on her thumb, she bends down and picks it up and drops it onto her desk, it lands point down and is now sticking up from the desk, she gives me a really nasty look, tells me to put it away, get out of her office and say noting to anyone????
I leave the office to be met buy the security guards and my boss, they all look at me quizzically and I just say 'That was exciting' and I go back to my office.
A few days have passed and I have heard no more about it so I consider the incident closed, however I will keep you informed should there be any developments in this saga.